Monday Jan 18 11:55pm
Today was a wasted day if there ever was such a thing. I woke up around 12:30pm, well actually, Ezra woke me when he got back from school. I rolled over, opened my laptop and checked for any bites. I put some pretty good chum in the water last night, so I had high hopes. What? Two bites? That’s it? And one of them was Ezra humouring me! That was some of the best chum I’ve put out in a while!
Let me explain. Somehow, in the last week I have become so lazy that I even bemoan the discomfort of having to walk the 10 steps to the bathroom. I just kind of lie there. It doesn’t help that Ezra’s going through a lazy phase too. So he comes home from class and we both just lie around and kill time online. Mostly posting comments on facebook and seeing if we get any responses. But it’s not like we post something, go do something else for an hour or so, then check. Nope. We just lie on our respective futons and hit refresh over and over again, mumbling about no bites. So we started commenting on each others posts (keep in mind we’re both lying around in the same room, sometime on same futon!). Then we couldn’t come up with anything witty to say so under the other’s post we write “comment, comment, witty remark, comment”. To which the other writes “reply, reply, witty retort, reply”.
Last night Ezra came up with the funny idea of calling posts that are intentionally meant to incite commentary as “chum”. So now when we post a provocative video or comment and after hitting the refresh button for 30min or so we will say to the other things like”I can’t believe it, I put some grade A chum out there and not a single bite”.
Well, this sad behaviour has been going on for a couple of days and earlier this evening we were both schooled big time by our little sister Maria. As I was checking on the chum I’d thrown out there previously I noticed a video that Maria had just posted. It was the height of ridiculousness. It was her friend saying a first name of a celebrity in a loud strong Germanic accent and Maria responding by saying that celebrities last name with the same absurd accent. There was nothing clever or witty about it, but for some reason it was hilarious. In under 10 minutes she had 15 comments, they just kept popping up like mushrooms. Now that’s some grade A chum!
About this Blog
I decided to start this blog first and foremost to prevent my brain from atrophying any more than it already has working as a Chippendale. Second, I thought it might my interesting in posterity (and hopefully even a little bit now) to have a record of these last 6 months as a full time “exotic dancer” (Chippendales doesn’t like to call us strippers…it’s an image thing) as I prepare to enter graduate school to pursue my dream of becoming a community college philosophy instructor.
Originally, when I started working as a stripper in Vegas I told myself I’d keep a journal. I never did. When I got hired by Chippendales for the world tour I told myself the same thing. I never did. I’m in my second year of tour and this is my last chance to write about it because once I start school I’m not coming back to dancing (except Saturday nights while I’m in school to pay rent).
If you are looking for tales of sordid behaviour and immorality you won’t be getting much of that here. That’s easy, just turn on any reality show and you can get that. I will try to focus on what it’s like to travel the world with Chippendales, the fans, the staff, myself, the local culture and so on…well, I’ll try. There may be the odd anonymous anecdote of profligate behaviour…kind of comes with the territory.
So you may be wondering why the first post seems to be dealing with such pathetic, lazy behaviour. Actually Chippendales are on a short break right now. We were in Berlin for just over a week, then the Vienna show got cancelled so there are no shows until the 23rd. The other guys flew home but I’m staying in Berlin because Ezra (my brother) lives here. So basically I have nothing to do until the 23rd, when we perform in Munich.
“Nothing to do!?” you say, “your in a world class city….go to a museum, an art gallery, some famous buildings”. To which I reply, yes you are right, I should, and I want to but I sprained my ankle….
On Sunday I went with Ezra, Katarina (Ezra’s German girlfriend), Markus (Katarina’s brother) to meet Katarina’s parents. I won’t go into too much detail here but I will say they are both very kind and warm and Katarina’s mother (Agnes) cooks the best roast goose in the world.
After the meal I was one stuffed goose and could barely move, let alone keep my eyes open. Coffee was brought to the table and several minutes after regaining consciousness Ezra, Markus and I decided to go tobogganing. A word about German toboggans: old school, baby! You know the typical sled you see in an xmas card? 2 steel runners, frame made of wood and a high centre of gravity? Well, that’s what everybody uses. You’d think with all the hubbub people always make about German engineering they would have made a few modifications since the Allied troops marched into Berlin, but noooooo. Anyway, we get to the top of this hill which is swarming with ants…oops, kids and shuffle our way forward in the line. We have 2 sleds between us, so Ezra and I get on the (slightly) bigger one and stare down the precipice: the first half (the steep part) is sheer ice. The bottom half is covered in large perpendicular ridges to launch you into the air. Looks like lots of fun if your not sitting upright with your tailbone compressed against solid wood. I might add that each bump was followed by a trough which was basically ice; i.e no give on the landing. Before we launch ourselves I already know it’s going to hurt, but that’s what makes it so exhilarating, isn’t it? Down the ice acceleration ramp we go, and we got some good speed. Then the first bump, slam; second bump, slam. At this point in my head I’m trying to ignore the fact that my tailbone is being slammed into solid wood with absolutely no give and just enjoy the ride. Slam. That’s it. I bail and tumble to a stop.
Then I took the solo sled and went down on my stomach. Not so bad. In fact, it was kind of fun, like I remember it as a kid. Next Ezra decides it would be fun for 3 grown men to go down the hill of doom on one old skool German sled with a high centre of gravity which was built for two children. After the first bump Markus bailed citing damage to his tailbone, then I think I fell off a bump or two later….it’s all a bit foggy. My last run came when Ezra and shared the sled again, but this time with me in the front. If I can see the bumps coming, I reasoned, I can brace myself and at least minimize the impact.
Once again, we got some good speed. I think even the kids were impressed. Then we hit a couple of bumps and my foot got dislodged from it’s resting place. Upon arrival at the next bump, my dislodged foot met the bump before the sled. Strangely, my foot stayed pressed against the bump while the sled, along with the rest of my body and Ezra continued over the bump. It was right around this time that I perceived a most unpleasant sharp pain in both my right ankle and knee. Although I cannot definitively point to the cause of the pain; in retrospect, there seems to be a temporal link between the event and subsequent sensation. As I stood I continued to feel this unpleasant sensation and informed Ezra and Markus that, if they so desired, they may continue to toboggan down the hill; but heretofore, I shall remove myself from the activity.